A kiss would be all that is needed.

I seek God out, I strain to hear him. My intellect, my effort, my energy I dispense without restraint in knowing him and searching him out. I want to hear from Him! I want to know his heart, his thoughts!

And sometimes, like in my last post, he 'just' kisses me :)

Don't think I am so naive as to not see the potential for mockery and embarrassment in my analogy of God as a young girl, and me as a young boy...in adolescent love! :)

It is simply the picture that came into my head, to explain something that is beyond words.

What I mean to say, is that one solitary and real moment with God...explains what libraries and a life time of searching could not.

It would be a mistake to take that as me saying that searching, and learning are ineffective endeavours in the ends of knowing God. I am just saying that in comparison, actually meeting God heart to heart puts everything in its proper place. Namely, under his deep and unfathomable Love.

A kiss would be all that is needed.

Imagine a boy, in love with a girl.

Just friends on paper, they met a week ago. The boy over hears whispers of a conversation that to him suggest of the possibility that the girl might love him too. But he is restrained by doubt and insecurity. Did he hear right? Was his heart playing tricks on him?

Being of a sensitive and fragile heart, and inexperienced in the games and tricks of romance...he dare not act on his suspicions. But he longs to know the answer that stirs his heart most, is he loved back or not?

Of course soon he is totally consumed by curiosity and his insatiable need to know the truth! The boy analyzes and studies every aspect and minute detail of her interactions with him, and her conversations with others. The boy, to the casual observer engages in everyday and polite conversation with her family and friends. But in his mind he is dissecting and looking at every possible angle for clues as to whether she loves him or not. All his thoughts all day long, circle endlessly, wave after wave, back and forth...does she love me? Or not?

One day, fatigued, exasperated and disappointed his hope begins to wane. Doubt and insecurity waste no time in pushing themselves into his thoughts. Anger hisses out like water droplets on a hot pan, depression settles on him like a cloak of iron.

The boy without purpose stumbles down the street, not noticing the girl who has come up alongside him. She grabs his hand, but he is so numbed with disappointment that he hardly notices the warmth of her hand. She tugs on him on him gently, which feels unusually strong (likely due to his weakened state) and he turns to stare at her blankly. She kisses his cheek. It touches the corner of his lips, leaving him no doubt as to in what manner it was meant. He now knows he is loved.

It is even possible to have real Faith...without a proper reason?

There is a difference between a psychotic mans belief and a reasonable mans Faith.

The variety and distortion of beliefs in this world is seemingly limitless. People choose to believe and are convinced of all sorts of bogus and demonstrably false things. How do we distinguish between the reasonable and the false? I promise you that 'your feelings' are not sufficient measuring tools.

I ask this both to the believer and non-believer. Why do you believe what you believe? Are there good reasons? How sure are you that your beliefs are not absurd, contradictory or incoherent?

Again, it is even possible to have real Faith...without proper understanding of the reason? If you claim to know God and love him...then your reasons are at the very least that he has changed your life in a way that is impossible for you to have done yourself. If not. If there is no hint of a majestic, divine and miraculous change...could he not just a product of your imagination?

I believe God exist, and I believe God intends to CHANGE people into becoming who he made them to be. I believe he wants to perform miracles in our lives. I believe he wants to change other people lives through our hands.

If you don't know why you believe in God. I guess I just want you to sit with Him...and think about it. Because it IS something that demands to be shared. And can hardly be anything but the Focal point of all meaning and life.

If he is real to you. And if you are convinced.

another one goes to where?

I had to tell a man that he may not live to see the next day, he was compos mentis. He had by choice rejected all family and friends. He was rich in money, apathy and total indifference. His gifts, love, thoughts and concern were in service only to himself. There are many things worse than a painful death. When we replace Gods love for us, with self-love, we become our own god and sub-conciously live to turn others into our servants. All our gifts and love turn inward, and they wither and die.

Love is not a human construct, it is a gift from God. It is God. It was made to be given back and to be shared. Love ceases to be love when it is only for yourself.

Why God is more real to me then you alone.

I am six pages into a book called 'Has Christianity Failed You?'

I had to put it down this afternoon because a thought was tugging at me. I felt compelled to ask myself carefully... Why do I believe?

I did not start reading this book because I think Christianity has in any way failed me recently. In fact, this last year I have studied the question of God and Jesus more intensely than any other time in my life. It has been incredible. I have had my eyes open to a whole new world of understanding. I have glimpsed a much clearer, coherent, dangerous and beautiful reality. My faith is stronger. My convinction is greater. My questions are deeper. My purpose is clearer. My heart is softer. My love for humanity and myself is truer.

Why do I believe? There are a thousand and more reasons, pieces of evidence and clues that build up and support my faith. But at the core of it lies something completely unacademic and completely human.

I believe because I have felt what it is to be truly Loved. And the experience of that Love has changed me.

The love I am talking about can never be comprehensively or adequately explained with everyday human experiences. We see mere shadows of it in our day to day lives, and light glimpses of it in the stories, moments and experiences that are memorable and profound to us.

What is it to be truly Loved? I will try to be clearer and define it for you later. But you have already seen many things that hint of it and point to it.

A fathers love for his daughter.

A mothers love for her son.

A soldier risking his life to save a child.

A teacher mentoring a difficult child.

A friend sacrificing his life for friend.

A son forgiving his father.

A young man courting the love of his life.

An old woman holding the hand of her dying husband.

Lately, I half-reluctantly admit, I have been crying much more then usual. Certain songs, stories, news clippings, parts of movies, speeches...they are touching me in deep ways.

What is happenings is when I weep, the deepest parts of my spirit and soul, are remembering and experiencing the love that God continually showers on me throughout life.

I told you I would define it. But honestly...John 3:16...your experience of that will be the best definition I could come up with. You don't deserve it, you could not earn it, but it is offered to you in sincere and deepest love, with no cost but your consent.

To balance out the Doom and Gloom.

Friends. My last post had some dark subject matter.

The only reason why I should bring up morbid and difficult things, is if I believed that good could come of it. We cannot fight battles we do not know about or do not even believe can exist! Sex slavery in our generation is an awful subject, but pretending it does not exist, or brushing it under the carpet not only harms millions of innocents, but also ourselves.

http://www.ijm.org/

I believe even more so that unbelief in God is destroying our humanity. I believe we are created inherently valuable, and that we have purpose, meaning and destiny. I believe that we are created from Love to Love. In other words, I believe with good reason that Jesus was serious when he said that the greatest thing we can do is to Love God, and then Love others. From that all goodness and joy will flow.

My once dark heart has been touched by Life. The reasons are there, the evidence is there, the Truth is there. Everyday an enemy works against us. But we can choose to turn to Him who can be trusted.

You are made to be more than you know. You are pivotal in the history of humanity. You are dearly loved. You are a Son of God. You are a Daughter of God. Do not throw away your Grace given inheritance.

Painting by the numbers.

Have you ever completed a 'paint by the numbers' or a challenging 'connect the dots'? Since I have probably done a thousand of them in my relatively normal childhood, I am going to assume that most of you have. For those of you who don't know what they are, they are activities designed for children to help them learn how to follow instructions and focus (among other things). I think one of the reasons that children find them so entertaining, is that there is a strong element of surprise and discovery to it. You are first presented with an incomplete and vague image. But slowly, if you follow the instructions with care and attention, you begin to unravel something wonderful that you could not fully appreciate until you were done.

What got me thinking about these elementary aged activities, was a conversation I was having with myself about love and boundaries. I live in a city where one of the most celebrated values of society is the freedom to choose. The freedom to choose is an incredible gift. Not only is the right to choose a gift, but so is the ability.

One thing I think we humans ignore too often or fail to take into account, is that we are above many things emotional creatures. What I mean to emphasize is that we don't really naturally do the things that are logical, practical or beneficial for us. I think we are very driven to do instead that which feels good or what seems right. If what our emotionally driven state happens to do aligns with what is actually logical, practical or beneficial; it seems to me often more chance than foresight or wisdom.

The difficult thing with what I just said, is how to justify it in a way that will not seem judgemental or prejudiced. This is not just my dilemma though. This is a human dilemma. We all do it to some degree whether we acknowledge it or not.

I said earlier that we humans are very much emotional creatures. Well I believe we are also primarily moral creatures. This means that we operate with a world view that intimately entails that there are wrong things and right things. So please do me a favor and recognize that while I am about to suggest that there are a good many things out there that are just plain wrong, for you to disagree with me, is exercising the same ability and right that you yourself may be annoyed at me for using.

So let me sum up to myself what I am attempting to have suggested thus far.

We humans operate mostly out of a highly emotional state. We are moral creatures which constantly evaluate things as right or wrong. Neither our emotional or moral sense is reliable on their own standing to align with what is logical, practical or beneficial.

So now for my train of thought.

Proper and Real Love needs boundaries. Love without boundaries is a deceptive and overly romanticized concept. Without boundaries all things, especially Love, become twisted, perverse and inevitably a wild, self devouring beast. These are not pleasant concepts or realities to own up to or consider.

Mother love for a child, is something incredibly beautiful and precious. But even this without boundaries has been SEEN in this world to slowly progress into a horror among horrors. I will not give actual references, but the following scenario is not imaginary. Mother loves child, mother begins to define herself through the care for child, mother depends on child for self worth, mother smothers child, child grows up sheltered and dependent, mother uses guilt and manipulation to maintain hold on child, mother and child confuse aspects of human sexuality with mother love....and this is where I will end my analogy. Keep in mind, this is nothing new in human history. The Oedipus complex is not something new. Incest is not something new. There exist dark and evil wrongs in every culture and society. What we forget is that acknowledging these evils actually points to a thing of hope, that there is a RIGHT way to turn towards. We need not have the human story be an endless spiral into madness.

Boundaries protect. Boundaries guide. Boundaries are not there to limit potential, hinder progress or imprison joy...not when they are from God. I believe God created us out of love, to be loved and so that we could love. That means the human life is a 'connect the dots' or a 'paint by the numbers' of immeasurable beauty, depth and wonder. Since life was created by the loving hands of God, it makes sense that we would go to Him to guide us. It would make sense that even if we do not yet see the whole picture that we would follow His leading above our own. If we shut our senses and our hearts to Him, we lose all sense of of direction.

What other option is there? If there is no God we are slaves to the material universe, or foolish gods of our own delusion making up a false destiny for ourselves. Look at the perversion of our world. We no longer recognize the sacred. The sacred is how things are meant to be...for no reason other than goodness and love. Yet we have taken marriage, art, literature, music, science and even reason out of the boundaries set by God, and turned them into wild beast that devour our children. It is difficult to overstate or over dramatize this. Pornography has turned our beautiful children into simply lifeless objects of self-pleasure. Adultery has turned our marriages into self-serving contracts instead of self-sacrificing bonds of love. Naturalism has stripped us of accountability. Our insatiable hunger for liberty unbound has led to the destruction of the law, the loss of reason, the destruction of meaning, the sacrifice of heart, the compromise of good, and the rejection of God.

As spoiled, ungrateful children, we spit at the hand that literally feeds and upholds us. We scoff at instruction and deface and perverse the wondrous painting before us. We take 'connect the dots' intended to be things of beauty, and we literally and recklessly smear profanities across all the lines. To live without God is to live without a given purpose, a real meaning, a genuine value or a real hope. To live without God is to live a lie, however appealing. To live without God is to strip yourself of your actual Glory and settle for a lesser self.

When you see in the news; husband cheats, girl raped by gang, mother killed child, father rapes daughter, artist uses fetuses, rapper promotes hate, politician lies, business man cheats, teens commit suicide, brother kills sister and on and on and on. Your stomach convulses at it for a reason, you know in the depths of your numbed soul that things are not as they should be. But here is the warning. Who will guide us? Who can tell us how far we are from right, and how close we have come to wrong? Who will lay down the law? Who will decide humanities purpose? Who will give us worth? The answer is that without God...it will be anyone! It could be Hitler, it could be Obama, it would be Lindsy Lohan, it could be Deepak Chopra.

This is what it means when the Bible says "There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" The TRUTH is that we all need God. We all are blind to our sick and awful sins without Him. We are not capable of seeing our personal evil without Him. Without God we have the delusion that we are okay, that we are not so bad, that we don't need help, that we don't need to be saved, that we are not in need of Salvation.

But there is Hope. We humanity, are not alone.

21But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to
which the Law and the Prophets testify. 22This righteousness from God comes
through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for
all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely
by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented
him as a sacrifice of atonement,[i] through faith in his blood. He did this to
demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins
committed beforehand unpunished— 26he did it to demonstrate his justice at the
present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in
Jesus.
27Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. On what principle?
On that of observing the law? No, but on that of faith. 28For we maintain that a
man is justified by faith apart from observing the law. 29Is God the God of Jews
only? Is he not the God of Gentiles too? Yes, of Gentiles too, 30since there is
only one God, who will justify the circumcised by faith and the uncircumcised
through that same faith. 31Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at
all! Rather, we uphold the law.

Romans 3: 21-31

I pray you take the effort to find out the real picture your Life is meant to show.

Matter matters?

POLEMIC

1: an aggressive attack on or refutation of the opinions or principles of another
2: an aggressive controversialist


I don't want what I write to be polemic. I don't want to be hateful, mean, cruel, fanatic, hurtful, damaging, angry, bitter, annoying or anything else that turns people off. Every now and then it does come across in conversation with people I respect and care for, that things I have written before have offended them. So far I have been genuinely sorry for their feelings, but personally feeling very misinterpreted. More than my fear of offending people however, is my fear of what lies and deception can do to this world...of what lies and deception can do to us personally.

The question of God and the meaning of Life (real Life) still gnaws at my guts and my heart. The gnawing is less to do with not knowing what some of the answer are, and more to do with my frustration at times with not being able to share it effectively with people I care about...who from my eyes believe some incredibly damaging lies, and are caught in a enormous web of deception.

I search and I pour over books, interviews, videos, debates...anything and everything! To educate myself, to see the way others see! I must appear arrogant at times to some...but I am driven to lead them in anyway I can to the Truth.

God, I know on my own I can do nothing. As a lone human among billions in the history of the earth I have nothing new to offer, nothing special to say on my own. Nothing lasting or meaningful to utter. Even kings of past, conquerers of old are mere letters in a book. Even presidents will one day be lost in the unrelenting eroding power of history and time. But with you God. With you God I have a mission, I have a role, and I have a hope that my life can truly matter.

How much simpler can we put it?

Does matter matter? Does the human story mean anything that is beyond our material existence? Does the individual matter? Does meaning have any real meaning? Does life have meaning? How can we have meaning if we are unplanned? How do we have meaning to a universe without a mind behind it?

We don't really matter without God. Why? Because without God the human story is not in relation to anything! To be human is to have a story, to be in relationship. Meaning has no meaning unless it is between two minds.

I am speaking to my wonderful friends out there who are atheist :)

How do we reconcile the fact that we are relation beings in a non-relational universe?
I have read the evolutionary theories and explanations. But they do not even come close to a comprehensive answer, they are barely speculation.

It defies reason to think that we are merely complicated processes. We care. And we are. And we mean something. A purely physical existence does not satisfy that reality. It does not justify it. It is a deception.

God is real, he cares, open your heart and look. Look again. Look again. Look again.

NO Neutral Ground

Godless men and women, only truly hold themselves accountable to themselves.

What could be more prone to corruption and deceit than this? If our intended purpose, mission and design is to love God and all humanity…who will regret it most that we squandered life being the slaves of entertainment, greed, selfishness, vanity, pride and the other lies and tricks of the godless world?

I have been looking at pro-atheism media and I see many sincere people cry out that they see more love and hope in the action of human beings then they ever did in religion or a 'whimsical' god. I agree, that man-made religions and man-made gods are of no real value...but there is no such thing as real hope and love outside of a creator that offers hope and love. If there is no ultimate transcendent source of love and hope, than there is only a temporary, delusional source.

1 Corinthians 6: 19-20…

What I want to shout out from the mountain tops is that there is hope! There is a way out of the perverted mockery of life that we have been born into. There is master plan, and the good master is one of love! The End of the Story has already been declared, Good prevails over Evil. God prevails over godlessness. What we fight for now is to take back as many enemy stolen lives as we can, before we no longer can. Our choices have consequences. That is an unchangeable law of this existence. Every choice you make means an eternal difference for the cause of God or against. And this is why you are so important. Every human is born into a world at war, and we daily choose which side we will fight for. Each soldier is given a piece of creation to fight for, primarily his own Spirit, and those of the people with whom he is in relationship with (but ultimately effecting everyone).

One very important factor to consider:

There is no neutral ground in the universe; every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God and counterclaimed by Satan. –C.S. Lewis

Not making a choice, IS making a choice. Not opening your eyes, IS choosing to be blind. Not acting, IS choosing to do nothing.

It is one thing to be deceived, and another not to care whether you are or not. The truth matters. Your hopes, dreams and wishful thinking will not suffice when confronted with the immovable reality of truth. Our only hope is to align ourselves with the Truth, whatever it may be. Or else, we must be content to live a lie and face the consequences of our own self-enabled, self-chosen delusion.

Beyond Opinion

I have read a number of accounts of people commiting suicide, despite having all the outward appearences of a meaningul, successful and happy life.

It is a disturbing thought to consider how men and women with good jobs, good families, goodhealth and the other pleasures of life could leave suicide notes filled with such hopelessness.

Somedays I can hardly imagine the frame of mind it would take to do that.

Somedays I feel as though I can intimately understand their fatal decisions.

I don't know why I feel this way today. Honestly I don't.

I refuse to be comforted by a lie. I cannot be comforted by a lie.

If God was not real. If he did not present himself to me. If there was no ultimate hope or meaning... I would not be in this world.

Why some of us can see, and why some of us will die not seeing, is beyond my comprehension. There are too many variables and secrets hidden in the human heart for me to know why one person will see God, while another chooses to deny him. The only one I know well is myself.

For myself, I say I could not believe a lie, I could not be content to live with false comfort. My life testimony is that God exist who gives me purpose and meaning, and that there is hope in Jesus Christ. Truth and reality originates in the Creator. Not our whimsical desires.

No doubt there are many questions we all need and want answers too. Some we will not be able to answer in this life. But there are more than enough real answers to warrant our trust in God. There are more than enough answers to deem our sometimes mysterious relationship with God reasonable and coherent. There are more than enough answers to make sense of this gift of life that has been given out of love unto us each.

Opinions are preferences amid options. Convictions are woven into one's conscience.

-Ravi Zacharias in Beyond Opinion: Living The Faith We Defend

In a world of horrific evil and suffering (from nature and humans), the solution will use the touch of human hands, but must originate from the strength and heart of God. Nature, chance, and purely physical explanations of our life do not care whether the weak live or die, or suffer and cry. How is it that we all intuitively know that the world ought to be another way? From where did this whisper of another better way come into our understanding? The deer never said to the lion "mercy, can't we all just live in peace." But yet we do? Something beyond the physical speaks.

Again for the umpteenth time!

I would treasure a chance to defend and discuss this potentially 'offensive' statement to anyone.

There are more real and coherent answers in even the deepest mysteries of Christianity than there are in even the simplest supposed facts of atheism.

Truly, when held to the light of a open and critical analyses, Christianity holds true while atheism stumbles upon itself in total absurdity.

This is not a hostile challenge, this is a cry for fair play and being willing to go wherever the argument leads.

The hostility towards the reality of real and absolute truths, serves as nothing but an obstacle to honesty and reason.

Uncovering the truth can be a frightful and overwhelming prospect. But thank God, it turns out to be the greatest journey any human can take, and more than worth the risk.

Book about Anthony Flew

Notorious Atheist CHANGES his mind! :)

I am reading this interesting book called There Is a God by Anthony Flew.

Google him if you're interested in more about him. Anyways this is from an appendix in his book.

More gentle reminders to good men and women who seek truth, but are still atheist :)

It's simply inconceivable that any material matrix or field can generate agents who think and act. Matter cannot produce conceptions and perceptions. A force field does not plan or think. So at the level of reason and everyday experience, we become immediately aware that the world of living, conscious, thinking beings has to originate in a living Source, a Mind.

-Roy Abraham Varghese

There are only two possibilities for what ultimately gives authority to one man over another man.

It is either:

1) Corruptible, flawed, subjective, manipulative, self-serving human power...

or

2) Perfect, loving, all-encompassing, fair, righteous and Holy authority from God.

One power coerces, the other acts out of love.

What a pain to suffer!

In His character, God alone is the absolute expression of love that is never separated from holiness. God cannot be at the same time holy and unloving or loving and unholy. In turning our backs upon Him, we lose the source of defining love, live with the pain of unholiness and suffering remains an enigma- leaving our blemished characters in search of a moral law and our finite minds crying out for an answer. Which of us does not hurt when we see pure love abused and despised? Our hearts reveal a hunger for a love that is pure, and in this world we have lost both definitions because we have denied their source.

-Ravi Zacharias from Cries of the Heart.

Pain and suffering outside of a loving God has no hope. Pain and suffering outside of a loving God has no greater meaning. Pain and suffering outside of a loving God has no purpose.

I cannot find any way out of this reality. Can you? Please let me know if you do.

Pain and suffering exist. There is no way to escape the reality of it. Even for those of us humans who feel that life is meaningless, who are numb and broken... that condition comes most likely out of unresolved pain and suffering.

Animals experience pain and suffering. But unlike humans they do not question the greater purpose, meaning, context, morality or justice of the pain or suffering in question. Whether we like to admit it or not, I think all of us struggle to make sense of the utter despair our world is in.

Holiness...or as described to a child 'pure and perfet goodness.'

Again, as complex and enormous the issue is. The old sunday school lesson turns out to once again be true. Understood by children, contemplated by wisemen... "God is good, he loves you, you can trust him."

What I would like to add is "even when you don't yet understand his ways."

Really, what other choice is there? Either a good God, delusion or despair. This is not to say we trust because we have no other choice, but more so to recognize that when it comes to God he is always by a very large infinite margin, simply just the best choice. Like it or not :)

Be thankful. It is the only proper response...

This is not something I consider very often, but I think it is really of enormous importance.

In and of myself, apart from all others, I have no rights.

By yourself, like me, you have no rights to anything. Maybe you 'feel' like you do, or you 'think' that you should... but even wishing something relies on things outside of ourselves.

What have you done by yourself? What have you done without the aid of others? What have you made, done or thought that did not begin with or depend on another being? The frightening and real answer is absolutely nothing.

This has enormous implications.

I cannot speak for the entire world of course, but I will speak of the parts of the world that I was born in or have visited. From what I have seen we humans are frequently, consistently, and fairly deserving of the following descriptions: ungrateful, arrogant, selfish, undeserving sense of entitlement, spoiled, rude, over inflated ego, undeserving, prideful, very prideful, extremely prideful, foolish, self-worshiping, vain, ignorant, entirely misplaced with who we should thank on a minute by minute basis.

Your right to safety, freedom, voting, speaking your mind...all of that is dependent on the blood and sweat of men and women before you who helped build society.

Your health, however good or poor, your development both mind, body and spirit...all directly dependent on the friends and family who nurtured you as a infant.

Your very life. What right in and of yourself do you have when it comes to your life? Did you yourself give yourself Life? You may be able to choose what you do with your life, you may be able to squander it, waste it, end it...but you have no right in and of yourself.

Do we not realize! Do we sincerely think so great of ourselves that we think that the gifts, abilities and understanding that we have comes from no one? How is it that we are so deluded and overly confident of ourselves that we for even a second think that we are the masters of ourselves?

Of course you may choose to do with your life as you please, most of us are not slaves in bondage...but what right do you have in and of yourself? None. Every good thing, literally every good thing in life is undeserved, and MUST be considered a gift. The very ability to give or receive love, the very ability to even perceive or experience pleasure is a gift! Nature does not love you, evolution cares not for you, chance cannot even consider you.

Let me simplify it: Every good and precious thing comes from God. Is a gift.

The moment we realize this. Is the same moment we are thankful, is the same moment we realize His love for us, is the same moment we realize our brokenness, is the same moment we realize we are made in his image, is the moment we realize that we are not alone, is the moment we begin to understand the purpose and meaning of Life.

Nothing comes from nothing. Perception of beauty, ability to love, imagination, creativity, awe, wonder, inspiration, music, art, poetry, stories, hope, kindness, gentleness, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, JOY...all good thing...they come from someone who gives them to us.

You are not your own, you are His. And he loves you.

Evil, suffering, pain...they have their answer...but only after God is given credit for Life. Otherwise to blame Him, is appearing like a child kicking at the curb for tripping him up.

Are you delusional? Are you decieved?

After spending most of my free time reading/searching/researching/thinking about belief... I am still very curious about what we belive.

Yes, I know, I just used the name of my blog in my blog entry :) Cool right?

Seriously though, I find it disconcerting how different my conclusions are from so many incredibly talented and intellectually gifted people. What is comforting and mind opening however is how many talented and intellectually gifted people I do find myself in agreement with.

The intellectual world is clearly divided. Many of the intellectual elite claim complete honesty and say there is no God. Many of the intellectual elite claim complete honesty and say there is a God. The battle lines are drawn and redrawn throughout history and most of us 'normals' are left confused and frustrated as they argue...occasionaly like adults, mostly like kids :)

A beautiful revelation has come across my path however that puts my heart at rest. The truth, the real Truth is unchanged by the passions and convictions of mere mortals. Only God has ever fully understood it, and only God has ever had control of it. Thankfully he is unchanging. That means what he set in place, he has not changed. God is not fickle like us, he knows what he is doing from point A to Infinity. He doesn't say "Opps, didn't see that coming."

God is not unknowable. God is knowable, because he wants you to know him. God is the one putting in the vast majority of the effort, believe me this is always the case. My steps of faith are increasing less and less 'blind' as of late. It is much more my opening my eyes to see the truth, and saying to myself 'okay God, I admit it, you are definitely not, not there."

Many arguably over educated people (or undereducated depending on how you look at it) have asked me how I became so delusional. The question can be asked both ways. In previous blog entries I have just began to scratch the surface of why atheism is to me incredibly inconsistent with reality. You've got to figure it out for yourself though, you need to know why you believe what you believe. Too many of us are wrong on purpose, right by accident, wrong by accident or both wrong and right but unaware of why and which one.

What do you believe?

Are you delusional? Are you decieved? Or do you just not want to hear it?

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
-Winston Churchill

You are not ordinary, neither is the guy who cut you off.

When you die...

Not if. When.

When you die, what follows will either be a shameful tradgedy or the conclusion of a beauitful reconciliation.

I suppose I should mention the third option, because some people actually do believe it exists. *no offence*

The third option is that there is no immaterial. We are not imago dei, we are imago matter...or when everything is said and done imago nothing.

I am watching a man right now, on the very final leg of his physcial existence...spending all his precious time watching televsion.

My observation is not from a loathing, critical spirit...it comes from a belief that he is so much more than he appears. Despite his weakend, corpse like physical presence... I believe he is really so much more.

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn: We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner--no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbour is the holiest object presented to your senses.

Words from The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis.

Do you think that perhaps at times you see other people as mere cattle on the road? Blocking you on your road to real happiness and success? Are people often in the way of your life, delaying your journey and keeping you from your destination?

I will admit that I often feel this way. I forget that every man, woman and child is a dearly loved by God. I forget just as often that I am dearly loved by God.

We are here to Love God, to know his Love for us, and to Love one another through his Love for Us.

Anything outside of this... to me is at best a scent of what we were made to do, and why we exist.

Don't kid yourself. If you are anything like the average North American, since you first opened your eyes as a baby, your understanding of what the meaning of life is, has been shaped and transformed by the things you watch.

TV, movies, books, magazines, paintings, plays, performances etc. The Arts (media as well of course) shape us and teach us.

What are they teaching us? You should ask this question.

What's really real?

The world is sick. Rape, genocide, corruption, stealing, revenge, murder... the list is endless. But what I think we often forget, is that we are a part of the world, and indeed we are all also very sick. There are people who understand their depravity, their utter lostness and sickness. Many are depressed, numb, self-destructive. Than there are those who have no idea how corrupt they are. They walk around clueless to their evil. Many are judgemental, shallow, feel entitled, spoiled, totally ungrateful.

Now I also recognize that in all of us, we have the capacity to do good. But, you would not call a murderer a good man just because he helped a few old ladies cross the street. Some might call this analogy a bit extreme, but I actually think it is uncomfortably close to the truth.

If your perception of how good you are, is based on your point of view, and also how you compare yourself to others...think about how subjective that is. Truly, without an absolute standard of good (or of bad for that matter) we are all lost in a vastless ocean of relativism. And yet, from Hitler to Mother Teresa (a old cliche comparison I know) most of us think that compared to most of us we really aren't that bad. If there is one things we humans are adept at doing, it's justifying our atrocious behaviors and actions. We relativize ourselves till we reach a happy and mostly positive medium about ourselves. "Well so and so cheats on his taxes in this way, so me cheating in this way is not so bad." "Well pratically everyone gossips, so my comment about so and so is not that bad." "Well he cheated on me, so to hell with him if I sleep with so and so." "Well most people barely give anything to charity, I am quite generous giving $20 bucks to that such and such cause."

I can't remember who said this, but it was something like "anytime we do anything worthy of being called good, we borrow from the Divine." In other words, the only way to be more than animals is if God made us to be more than animals. And I think he did. He made us to be his children. The great miracle then is that you are more capable of more good and beauty than you or I can possibly understand in our current pitiful state. We need God to see our real selves.

"If the universe is not governed by an absolute goodness, then all our efforts in the long run are hopeless. But if it is, then we are making ourselves enemies to that goodness every day...and so our case is hopeless again." -CS Lewis

After a time of reflection.

I work in the intensive care unit of a large hospital.

I work daily amongst tangible grief, despair, tragedy, sorrow and death.

But I am not depressed. I am convinced that we are all going to die.

I am not exaggerating when I say that every week I talk to people who need to be convinced of their coming death. I live in a world where people actually need constant reminders about their coming death. Correction, there are inescapable reminders all around us, what we need is realization.

Realization...that you will die. Realization that death is coming anytime, perhaps even tomorrow.

I think the reason people blow this question off so easily, is that when they look at the question, it seems so confusing, vague, and pointless. Scary. I can relate to this hardship. But the truth is worth finding out.

Why am I alive? What is the point of life? What should I do with my life? Why is it so hard sometimes? What happens when I die?

There are answers.

God, God. Help us see. Take away the heavy fog that blinds us. Help us see what is real. Help us to seek truth, and not suppress it. Reveal the lies that we believe. Give us real wisdom, intelligence, understanding, perspective. Help us God. We cannot do it alone.

One real answer.

Either there is a God given point to life...or this isn't a point.

That is what is on my mind right now. I don't see a way around it. I've looked at other alternatives, none of them satisfy. Cheap glitz and glam is what I would have to settle for to ignore this revelation. I am not willing to settle for some old or fashionable answer. I want the truth.

And the truth once you get a glipse of it, is a difficult thing to get around, no matter how unpopular or not in vogue it is. Part of me wants to go back to ignorance...because well, it seems like there were more people to talk to there. In a child like sense it was more 'care-free' overall. Certainly there were dark moments of unresolvable dread, fear and anxiety...but those moments were easier to ignore and distract myself from than this tenacious truth.

For all its consequences, feeling like a freak, alienated etc., the truth is mercifully a beautiful thing, filled with enormous hope. It makes the world, the universe, my, our existence... so much better. I can't think of a much better way to put it then, there is hope beyond the grave! There is life after death. Real life. What God intended and wanted, but that we so terribly throw away and reject. It seems like a myth, but it's a real one. The story of the prodigal son is true for all of us. It is the real human story, that is why our arts and stories are filled with the same theme. Luke 15: 11-32 look it up.

Life is such a beautiful gift.

And it was never meant to just start and end in dust. It is intended to be a ever increasing, ever joyful, never ending story. But it has to start with God.

If it doesn't start with God, think about what that means. Really. Are you okay with made up answers? Assuming in your own limited judgement that you are just good enough compared to the next guy or gal, that you will just take your chances with whatever may come? I think that's a dangerous gamble.

There are real answers, and thank God they are far better then we mere humans could ever hope for.

I think C.S. Lewis figured it out- An excerpt from Mere Christianity.

All I am doing is to ask people to face the facts--to understand the questions which Christianity claims to answer. And they are very terrifying facts. I wish it was possible to say something more agreeable. But I must say what I think true. Of course, I quite agree that the Christian religion is, in the long run, a thing of unspeakable comfort. But it does not begin in comfort; it begins in the dismay I have been describing, and it is no use at all trying to go on to that comfort without first going through that dismay. In religion, as in war and everything else, comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth--only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair. Most of us have got over the pre-war wishful thinking about international politics. It is time we did the same about religion.

We have a lot of back tracking to do in the way we think.

There is rational and logical basis in God. There is also a non-rational and non-logical basis of God; but it exist only because of our limited knowledge and understanding. Faith exist in both categories...it is most definitely not just in the non-rational, non-logical. There is a infinity of difference between God our creator, and the little green man on your box of Lucky Charms.

I am reading a fascinating, mind-opening book called 'Escape from Reason by Francis A. Schaeffer'

A great journey in explaining why we think the way we do.

Fantastic Poem about our times.

Creed

We believe in Marx, Freud and Darwin.
We believe everything is OK
as long as you don't hurt anyone,
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your definition of knowledge.

We believe in sex before during
and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated.
You can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes,
UFO's and bent spoons;
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha
Mohammed and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think some of his good morals were really bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same,

at least the one that we read were.

They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of
creation sin heaven hell God and salvation.

We believe that after death comes The Nothing
because when you ask the dead what happens
they say Nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied,
then it's compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson.
What's selected is average.
What's average is normal.
What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between
warfare and bloodshed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behaviour that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth
that is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust. History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds and the flowering of individual thought.

(post script)

If chance be

the Father of all flesh,

disaster is his rainbow in the sky

and when you hear

State of Emergency!

Sniper Kills Ten!

Troops on Rampage!

Youths go Looting!

Bomb Blasts School!

It is but the sound of man

worshipping his maker.

by Steve Turner

worth it.

In China, Christians are persecuted by beatings and imprisonment. In the West, people are persecuted by the words of other Christians.

Quote from The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun

The Truth. It gently reveals itself infront of me. Perfect, blameless, loving, sacrificial, accepting, understanding, unconditional, real.

The pleasures and false promises of this world. They incessantly shout for me, they are persistent, clever, tricky, seductive, compromising and so tempting.

The closer I draw to God, the more clearly I begin to see the lies I have believed, and the promises of the world that it will never and can never keep. The worst lie of all I believed was that I could ever have real life as is is meant to be without God, without Jesus.

It is literally painful to explore and talk about the truth in this world. Talking about God and the truth of Jesus often leads to alienation, rejection, ridicule and slander. But the more willingly I open myself to those things, in search for truth...the more I am unable and unwilling to deny that Jesus is the only hope for this world. What ever suffering may come from finding the truth of our existence, the real meaning of our life, and the path to everlasting love and life...it is worth it. What's more it is worth my life itself.

Sharing the love of God, through what Jesus Christ has done. That is real. That is truth. With full clarity and soundness of mind I say it is something worth giving everything else up for.

Though I am weak, and broken, limited and a unfinished work...my hope is in Jesus...and with him I will walk with a loving God.

Soft Machines

Are we just incredibly complex, soft machines?


I am going to make a lot of simplistic arguments, in the hopes that someone may be able to offer me a reasonable answer or explanation to my questions. I am not a trained scientist, but I am friends with many of them; and for the record I would like to state that I have the utmost respect for the discipline of science. What I am much more leery of is Scientism...a new term I have learned that basically describes the efforts of some people to turn science into something metaphysical that can explain all the meaningful questions of life. Science can explain a lot, but it most definitely cannot answer everything.

So again, are we just incredibly complex, soft machines? Organic robots made by chance and nature?

If I believe in solely chance and evolution as the 'impersonal creators' of who I am. I wonder how it is I came to think of and question my 'impersonal creators.'

One day we could make computers and robots copy cat and mimic human behavior so realistically, that some may actually choose to live with a robot rather than a real human. But the fact remains that you can't program a robot to actually care, or have a preference.

Chance and Evolution can only really be described using adjectives like automatic, mechanical, impersonal, amoral, unthinking and impartial. So the question I ask myself is how come none of those adjectives can be used to adequately describe me, my wife, my family or my friends.

It almost seems ridiculous to me sometimes, that I need to build a case that confirms that humans are more then just flesh and complex organisms. We ponder our existence. We have anxiety about one day going from being (existence) to nonbeing (physical death/non-existence).

We are capable of such wonderful, majestic, beautiful things that go beyond mere nature...and like all abilities we see the flip side when these gifts from God are twisted and perverted.

The God of the Bible shows us the reality of who we are. Beings of God given immense inherent value, who are in a fallen state because of our rebellion against God.

If you choose to get rid of God, you dehumanize humanity, and turn us simply into complex, soft, organic machines. Whatever aspirations, hopes and dreams we have...just a chemical construct from our gods chance and nature.

Random things.

"When God puts a broken life back together, He removes the scars because He builds from the inside out. And when God steadies a faltering life, he puts you on His footing."

"Whether we like to admit it or not, many religions of the world are concocted to hold fear and control over people."

"The human psyche is vulnerable because of its built-in fear or failure, and becomes easy prey."

Quotes from Walking from East to West by Ravi Zacharias

"God alone knows how to humble us without humiliating us, and how to lift us up without flattering us." -E.M. Blaiklock

The tragedy of disbelieving in God is not that a man ends up believing in nothing. Alas, it is much worse, that person may end up believing in anything. -G.K. Chesterton

The more I look into Jesus Christ, and what he came to accomplish...the more amazed I am at how he stands up to the test of truth and reason. Everything he did or said, when understood properly demonstrates how he is really the truth, and the only real hope of the world.

Fear of death may have made me look in the direction of God...but it is the desire for real Life and Life forevermore that has kept me close to Jesus.

Still convinced.

When I was in elementary, I felt overwhelmed with the massive amount of information on both sides of the argument for whether God existed or not.

When I was in Jr. High, I felt overwhelmed with the massive amount of information on different religions.

Now in adulthood, I am overwhelmed by the suppression of truth that made the search for God and the real Savior so difficult in my early years of life and onward.

I am torn as to whether to keep writing or not. There is already so much information out there.
There exist, for the honest skeptic and the open minded cynic an overwhelming abundance of information to build a solid case for the existence of God and the life of Jesus.

I am ever more convinced that the problem is not with the availiabilty of information about the truth.

We are actively being decieved. Lied to. Tricked. By the world, by the devil, and many of those in positions of power and influence.

We ourselves are waging a war inadvertently against ourselves, and the only real possibility for freedom from our inadequacies and death itself. We resist change, we mock the sacred, we underestimate our depravity and overstate our goodness. We foolishly resist and blame God for our own choices.

I always thought the truth when revealed would be so beautiful and perfect that no person could resist its inherent value and priceless worth.

I find the truth is more beautiful and perfect than I ever could have imagined, but it seems so distant to so many. But I should remember, even to myself, when I fall back into old habits Gods presence often feels so distant.

But this is the miracle I am finding out. The mircale is that unlike the emotional high of movies, relationships, adventures, travels, food, parties, and all the possible pleasures of life... the Truth from God works and is ever powerful and real no matter the clarity of day or shade of night. It always holds, always fulfills, always does. God really is the one and only constant unchanging force in existence.

If I actually thought it would work, I would be even MORE fanatic. If I really thought it was God wanted I would be even MORE obnoxious and forceful. But that isn't the way the real God works. He never works by coercion, because coercion is not how love works, and the real God is love.

So I'm left with something even more powerful...but more against my human nature.

I'm left with the instructions to love, pray for, and turn both cheeks again and again to those who God loves. That means everyone.

Loving everyone.... I think that's harder then blowing up a plane, or promoting hatred against gays, or being a crazy relegious fanatic.

Good thing God is real and makes all things possible, no matter how broken we start off.

The Enormous Debt, the unlimited Credit.

We live in a world of debits and credits.


We live in a world of transactions.


We all want something. And we love those who will help us get it, but hate those who get in the way. There are so many examples of this insatiable selfishness in humanity, a selfishness that sacrifices friends and family and everything else regardless of the cost. When we turn our backs on God, we chase and fight ferociously to find a replacement for him... another source of meaning, value or worth. It might be a lover, a job, wealth, fame, possessions, adventure, experience, travel, service, volunteering...virtually anything can become an 'idol.'

Think of the son who would reject his family, for the women they know will ruin him.
Think of the addict who would betray and throw away the trust of his friends for another high.
Think of the girl who will throw away her health and life for the desire to 'look' better.
Think of the mother who will shamelessly guilt and manipulate her children for fear of being alone.
Think of the husband who shames himself with prostitutes and pornography to fill a loneliness that no human let alone wife could fulfill.
Think of the man who leaves his companion of 40 years to chase after the illusion of vitality and happiness in a younger women.

Think of the professional who sacrifices the role of parent, to build a bigger trust fund.

These are real scenarios. Happening now. And I believe all a result of people rejecting God, and trying to find another way in life where there is no other way to real life. No human, no treasure, no achievement that his world offers, has any possibility of unconditional love, forgiveness, worth, value or meaning. God alone through Jesus Christ provides these things.

To freely give and receive love, we need God. He alone can manage the insurmountable debt, and give unlimited credit. Only he can free us of the expectations and fears we place on each other whenever we try to love, or are offered love.

Remember, for God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life...that means you receive all the love you ever need from him and you are free to give all the love you can through him.

My point of points.

I often argue and discuss between the idea of a belief in God versus a belief in no god.

To me this is an important starting point that acts as a catalyst for many skeptics and intellectuals who would otherwise consider the idea of 'researching' or seriously looking into the question of God as merely an exercise in 'mysticism' or the end of reason.

When I first started this blog I stated very clearly my intentions, so as not to allow people to claim that I am decietful. And I am quite happy to lay it all out in the open again.

My mind, logic and intellect find the idea of the existence of God a most reasonable proposition.
My heart confirms what my mind is saying, or the other way around, hard to tell sometimes.

Either way, I think the truth speaks for itself, and I think the objective truth from God is seen most clearly and beautifully in the life and death and life again of Jesus.

He is the answer and evidence that makes everything else I write and think merely mindless babble. All things are confirmed in him and point to him.

But you can't take my word for it, you alone have to weigh the evidence, consider your heart, and open you heart and mind to him (he wants both), to discover the reality of this life, your death and the afterlife.

Emotional Up, Depressing down...but better.

Recently at the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver, Canada won the gold medal match against the US in mens hockey. It was described by many as an intense, emotional experience. There was a tangible energy in the air, no one could remember the streets of Vancouver being so alive and energized. After two weeks of Olympics craze everyone felt rewarded and justified for their fervor with an epic finally.

Two days later the same streets were filled with a completey different feel. ...there was a tangible sense of loss. No one had to point out that something had come and gone. It felt empty, unbearably quiet, lonely and honestly depressing.

I am being completely honest when I say walking with God can leave you feeling exactly the same way sometimes...

But this happened forst.

I don't know of any adjectives that can quite describe it properly, but last 5 months I have been experiencing a completely invigorating and life infusing time with God. There have been so many beautiful hours of reading, praying, talking, walking, sitting, breathing and living with him. It kind of reminds me of being in love in Jr. High. and the other person is showing interest...minus all the ridiculous stupid parts! The best picture I can think of off the top of my head, is that there was a quiet but steady glow around my heart, nourishing it constantly.

Right now, I feel like 2 days after the mens hockey game. I'm walking the once overflowing streets, with nothing really bad happening in my life, but definitely feeling like something is missing.

But even with my sense of loss, I know something beautiful is happening. Even though I don't really feel it quite yet, I'm becoming less like who I don't want to be, and more like who I was created to be.

I'm genuinely changing.

God is putting me down back from his embrace, so I can see for myself what he has done. He has quietly and carefully stopped rowing the boat we've been navigating together in rough waters, and given me the ability to start doing what he's been showing me. I'm getting to experience for myself, that what he says is the truth and really does work in real life.

Compared to talking about truth, living it out sure is a lot harder.

As we are disappointed by things throughout life, I think that this is what we learn:
Trusting someone is harder.
Relying on someone is harder.
Forgiving someone is harder.
Letting go of insult is harder.

I think anyone with a candid heart will admit that life is hard. It is difficult and often brutal. If you don't feel this way, chances are you might live in the 'westernized' bubble like me. Are you in the middle of the latest distraction? Do you really know what you are missing out on? Do you still hope and dream for things out of your reach?

What is increasingly amazing to me, is how much less we humans are willing to settle for. We are offered eternity in heaven, but are some how actually okay with living a temporary life with some pleasure, lots of pain, more distractions and a very final ending. I watched another man breathe his last breath this week, surrounded by family...and I am reminded again how woefully prepared so many of us are to answer the most basic questions of life and death. Death. Death.

Life and Death.

Sorry, I went off on another rabbit trail.

I was talking about life being hard for those who see it as it really is. It is hard. For example, we love people, and then they die. Come on, anyway you look at it, it's hard. Almost everything we love in this world, we will lose one day. It's hard when you really think about it.

But here is what I want to say.

God is the answer.

GOD is the ANSWER.

God, has proven himself to me again, in this lonely walk I am in right now, that he is and has the answers I am looking for. In him, I find comfort, meaning, purpose, identity, understanding, value, hope, reason, unity, coherence... and most of all love.

My eyes are starting to be opened to the things Jesus/God/Spirit said,

19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a]
the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching
them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always,
to the very end of the age." Matthew 28

2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Roman 12

The more I look into it, the more I realized it is true. It is real. It can be tested and found more then sufficient.

I'm convinced.

I want to convince everyone...but I don't have to do it. I want everyone to like me and love me, but I don't need them to. I want everyone to get it... but I can leave it in Gods hands. I have everything I need, for this life and the next. I can free myself from other peoples expectations, and free other people from my expectations. I can freely give and recieve love. All this God has given me the ability and strength to do. And it's all mine, and can be all yours, as long as we want it.

8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in
despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4

So God, this is my ending thought.

We humans are weak and very broken, less than a shadow compared to the glory that we are meant to be, and that only you God, can show us.

No conditions

I live with the belief that God loves all of us equally.
I live with the belief that we all need God equally.


Here's one reason why.


I'm reading this book called the Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen. I am truly impressed with how his total honesty with himself and the deepest thoughts of his heart, have allowed him to highlight things about the human condition that we all suffer from. That we all have in common.


One such thing...the need to please. I think we all develop our identity in some form, based on the human need to please. Please our parents, teachers, friends, co-workers, fans, children, wife, husband, lovers...every relationship that exist functions in some way or another to tell us who we are, and what we are worth. We all want to feel good about ourselves, so we want to please people we are in relationship to; so they can affirm that we are worth something.


This isn't really a bad thing in itself; it's needed to help us learn what hurts and helps other people. It helps us know how to act in society. It allows us to learn how to get along with others, and it helps us to figure out who we are. But for all the good things it offers, I think there is also a dark side. No, I am not suggesting we stop caring what people think, or trying to please them (I am not looking for an excuse to be mean to my wife)! What I think we need to consider is what happens to us when we can't please everyone. Further more what happens when we try our best, and still those closest to us are not pleased...when we fail despite our best efforts to find our sense of worth in those whom we seek it from.


This human nature of wanting to please people, and basing our identities on how pleased people are about us and what we do, would not be nearly so bad if humans weren't so careless, hurtful and flawed. The fact of the matter is, there are many children and adults in this world who have been mistreated and lied to from those who they were suppose to learn their identity from. For many of us out there, the people we have been trying to please, have failed us.


Recently I have come across a lot of stories from people about how their parents, family or close friends told them things that have traumatized and hurt them for years. There were things as innocent as family members saying 'if you don't get at least 75% on the exam, I'll be upset" to things as tragic as "it was your fault that he did that to you, you should have stopped him."


What I want you to recognize, is that even if it was not intended, the message in both examples and every message like it in between is this "you are worth it if, you are good if, you are (fill in the blank)...IF..."

Our identity, our worth is conditional on a enormous list of ifs...


Resentment is the better fruit of the need to please.


We all need and want to please...but when we get it we are anxious about losing it, when we don't get it we struggle to find it, when we try for it but still don't get it we are angry and resentful. This is the dilemma: pleasing people can be a good thing, but people make mistakes and fail us, which makes needing to please people a damaging thing.


If a child is told their whole life by everyone they know that they are worthless...from what I understand the world offers three solutions.


1) Stop caring what people think (loss of identity, sociopathic)
2) Only care what certain people think (living with walls and trust issues)
3) Only care what I think (based on abilities, things, 'what I have'...also will fail and change)


I know there are more complex arguments and therapies and techniques that could be employed...but I am simplifying to make an argument.


I think the only real solution to this situation -for the above mentioned child especially, and for all of us ultimately-is to find a source of unconditional love. A love with no 'ifs', that will change the amount that you are loved. Unconditional love says learn who you are, you are free to make choices and you will be loved no matter what. Unconditional love does not mean nothing hurts, or can damage the relationship, or that is has no desire for you to make the right choices, but it does say you are always wanted, and you can always come home. It is the message of the Prodigal Son.


I think the closest thing to this in this world is the mothers love for her child...but I have one of the best mom's in the world and I can honestly tell you that there are conditions on even her love. There is only one place we can get it, and some of us don't really believe in it, because we have never seen or experienced it.


Message of the world simplified:
I love you if...


Message of God simplified: I love you.


No man is an island. Remember that saying? It is true. To be human, is to be in relationship. We all need it, or we lose the ability to be human.

We think we need to earn forgiveness...
We think we need to perform/work for repentance...
Because the world tells us we have to earn everything...
We don't believe anyone would offer unconditional love...
We don't believe God would offer unconditional love...I think thats why the religions of the world are so enthralled with rituals and sacrifices...the lie that salvation, worth, meaning and purpose requires work and earning has been believed. So the cycle of trying and failing continues...


Trying to be who we think God wants us to be (instead of believing him when he says who we are), we fail, we become resentful, we give up, or some other form of coping.


But there is a reason to believe in unconditional love.


I need to stop writing right now. I write as a way of talking to God, of seeing my own thoughts. And I'm struggling and frustrated right now, because what I'm trying to say doesn't seem to make sense as I type it. But it is making sense in my mind and heart. So I'm going to stop and come back again later -when I'm writing based on my identity in God...and not to please anyone else to figure out who I am.


Because I already know who I am.

Change, change, change...

I wouldn't really want to change either.

With everything we know about cigarettes people still choose to smoke.

With everything we know about heart disease and obesity we still gorge on junk food.

With all the deaths and injuries of drunk driving we still have to arrest people for DUI.

So how many people really care to listen to me, and my suggestion that as a whole we humans are getting it all wrong!

Come on people, you have to admit, there is something in humanity that is fundamentally flawed and just plain stupid. Nietzsche's supermen are not coming. We might colonize the moon but someone is going to start snorting moon dust and foul up that planet too. Our technology and understanding of the universe is growing exponentially, but we still enslave, rape, murder and are helpless against our own greed, addictions, inadequacies and selfish ambition. Check out what this video if you're still not convinced.

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/billy_graham_on_technology_faith_and_suffering.html

So here's my point at last: When things are going okay or good, even a little bit bad, few people are willing to really change and accept the potential that the way they are living is all wrong and needs major repair.

But when you hit bottom or see it creeping up on you, when despair is your most familiar friend... look to God. Look to Jesus. Accept that you are both flawed but inherently wonderful. Accept that you are both animal and spirit. And discover how to really live.

*disclaimer*

Do not judge a belief system based on those who abuse it. I said look to God, look to Jesus. Not religion, some TV evangelist, or some of the crazy christians who might mean well but are still figuring it out. If I am one of those to you (crazy christian)...umm...yeah... can't think of anything clever to say :) Don't allow me to let God look bad.

More ammo for the unreasonable skeptic.

Skepticism puts most of its energies into avoiding error, and very little effort into finding truth.

-James Beilby Beilby and David K. Clark

Atheism.

To me, it is the religion of becoming our very own gods.

Traditionally, God (even if you don't believe in him yet) provided a source of authority, morality, ultimate justice, accountability and a plethora of other vital functions that enable humans to live meaningful, healthy, happy lives.

I know the argument of the other side, I know that there are many happy people who live meaningful lives apart from God. What I doubt however, is that the people who prescribe to atheism have really faced the full conclusions of their belief system. Specifically, I have never found a satisfying answer within the belief of atheism for ultimate meaning, purpose, or value. Atheism can masquerade as logical and reasonable up until the point where I start looking for the greater purpose of life... meaning beyond just the temporary.

Now, many people who prescribe to atheism as a world view, appear to be very well balanced, healthy, rational, responsible human beings. But what I don't think is recognized or honestly brought to the table, is that all of us human beings, are broken in some ways. We are always looking, searching and struggling to find something, which seems elusive and most of the time unnameable. In the quiet of the night, in the moments in between the incessant distractions and entertainment, after the last song of the dance is played, in between lovers, we begin to sense....we are aware of a void within.

If you have never felt this... I wonder what is different between you and I, and you and virtually all the poets, song writers, musicians, actors and artist of the past and present.

This unnameable void, this hunger without a source, this hole in our soul... I am convinced is the search for unconditional love.

And trust me when I say, there is only one possible source where we can find it.

No job, no charity, no reward, no treasure, no accolades, no reputation can offer unconditional worth let alone unconditional love.

No man, no woman, no child can offer unconditional love...because mortality is a condition.

So we toil and toil, we are in an endless cycle of happiness and despair, because we were made for the eternal, but everything we fight for is for the fleeting moment. We become our god, we are the foolish masters of ourselves, we create idols to worship, we ignore the conclusions of our choice... we turn our backs on the everlasting source of love and trade it for the unobtainable sands of time.

I have seen both sides of the coin, I understand the appeal of atheism...being my own god.

Believe me or not, atheism is the made up belief...not the realization of a God offering unconditional love.

Henri J. M. Nouwen reminds us who we really are and where our true home really is, in his book The Return of the Prodigal Son.

Home is the center of my being where I can hear the voice that says: "You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests"-the same voice that gave life to the first Adam and spoke to Jesus, the second Adam; the same voice that speaks to all children of God and sets them free to live in the midst of a dark world while remaining in the light. I have heard that voice. It has spoken to me in the past and continues to speak to me now. It is the never-interrupted voice of love speaking from eternity and giving life and love whenever it is heard. When I hear that voice, I know that I am home with God and have nothing to fear. As the Beloved of my heavenly Father, "I can walk in the valley of darkness: no evil would I fear." As the Beloved, I can confront, console, admonish, and encourage without fear of rejection or need for affirmation. As the Beloved, I can be tortured and killed without ever having to doubt that the love that is given to me is stronger than death. As the Beloved, I am free to live and give life, free also to die while giving life."

That is a glimpse of reality, that is the eternal story of our hearts. That is the seemingly unbelievable but definitely real purpose for you. God made you, knows you, loves you. That is the story of humanity. Anything outside of that ends in a nightmare of our own making.