Still convinced.

When I was in elementary, I felt overwhelmed with the massive amount of information on both sides of the argument for whether God existed or not.

When I was in Jr. High, I felt overwhelmed with the massive amount of information on different religions.

Now in adulthood, I am overwhelmed by the suppression of truth that made the search for God and the real Savior so difficult in my early years of life and onward.

I am torn as to whether to keep writing or not. There is already so much information out there.
There exist, for the honest skeptic and the open minded cynic an overwhelming abundance of information to build a solid case for the existence of God and the life of Jesus.

I am ever more convinced that the problem is not with the availiabilty of information about the truth.

We are actively being decieved. Lied to. Tricked. By the world, by the devil, and many of those in positions of power and influence.

We ourselves are waging a war inadvertently against ourselves, and the only real possibility for freedom from our inadequacies and death itself. We resist change, we mock the sacred, we underestimate our depravity and overstate our goodness. We foolishly resist and blame God for our own choices.

I always thought the truth when revealed would be so beautiful and perfect that no person could resist its inherent value and priceless worth.

I find the truth is more beautiful and perfect than I ever could have imagined, but it seems so distant to so many. But I should remember, even to myself, when I fall back into old habits Gods presence often feels so distant.

But this is the miracle I am finding out. The mircale is that unlike the emotional high of movies, relationships, adventures, travels, food, parties, and all the possible pleasures of life... the Truth from God works and is ever powerful and real no matter the clarity of day or shade of night. It always holds, always fulfills, always does. God really is the one and only constant unchanging force in existence.

If I actually thought it would work, I would be even MORE fanatic. If I really thought it was God wanted I would be even MORE obnoxious and forceful. But that isn't the way the real God works. He never works by coercion, because coercion is not how love works, and the real God is love.

So I'm left with something even more powerful...but more against my human nature.

I'm left with the instructions to love, pray for, and turn both cheeks again and again to those who God loves. That means everyone.

Loving everyone.... I think that's harder then blowing up a plane, or promoting hatred against gays, or being a crazy relegious fanatic.

Good thing God is real and makes all things possible, no matter how broken we start off.