Emotional Up, Depressing down...but better.

Recently at the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver, Canada won the gold medal match against the US in mens hockey. It was described by many as an intense, emotional experience. There was a tangible energy in the air, no one could remember the streets of Vancouver being so alive and energized. After two weeks of Olympics craze everyone felt rewarded and justified for their fervor with an epic finally.

Two days later the same streets were filled with a completey different feel. ...there was a tangible sense of loss. No one had to point out that something had come and gone. It felt empty, unbearably quiet, lonely and honestly depressing.

I am being completely honest when I say walking with God can leave you feeling exactly the same way sometimes...

But this happened forst.

I don't know of any adjectives that can quite describe it properly, but last 5 months I have been experiencing a completely invigorating and life infusing time with God. There have been so many beautiful hours of reading, praying, talking, walking, sitting, breathing and living with him. It kind of reminds me of being in love in Jr. High. and the other person is showing interest...minus all the ridiculous stupid parts! The best picture I can think of off the top of my head, is that there was a quiet but steady glow around my heart, nourishing it constantly.

Right now, I feel like 2 days after the mens hockey game. I'm walking the once overflowing streets, with nothing really bad happening in my life, but definitely feeling like something is missing.

But even with my sense of loss, I know something beautiful is happening. Even though I don't really feel it quite yet, I'm becoming less like who I don't want to be, and more like who I was created to be.

I'm genuinely changing.

God is putting me down back from his embrace, so I can see for myself what he has done. He has quietly and carefully stopped rowing the boat we've been navigating together in rough waters, and given me the ability to start doing what he's been showing me. I'm getting to experience for myself, that what he says is the truth and really does work in real life.

Compared to talking about truth, living it out sure is a lot harder.

As we are disappointed by things throughout life, I think that this is what we learn:
Trusting someone is harder.
Relying on someone is harder.
Forgiving someone is harder.
Letting go of insult is harder.

I think anyone with a candid heart will admit that life is hard. It is difficult and often brutal. If you don't feel this way, chances are you might live in the 'westernized' bubble like me. Are you in the middle of the latest distraction? Do you really know what you are missing out on? Do you still hope and dream for things out of your reach?

What is increasingly amazing to me, is how much less we humans are willing to settle for. We are offered eternity in heaven, but are some how actually okay with living a temporary life with some pleasure, lots of pain, more distractions and a very final ending. I watched another man breathe his last breath this week, surrounded by family...and I am reminded again how woefully prepared so many of us are to answer the most basic questions of life and death. Death. Death.

Life and Death.

Sorry, I went off on another rabbit trail.

I was talking about life being hard for those who see it as it really is. It is hard. For example, we love people, and then they die. Come on, anyway you look at it, it's hard. Almost everything we love in this world, we will lose one day. It's hard when you really think about it.

But here is what I want to say.

God is the answer.

GOD is the ANSWER.

God, has proven himself to me again, in this lonely walk I am in right now, that he is and has the answers I am looking for. In him, I find comfort, meaning, purpose, identity, understanding, value, hope, reason, unity, coherence... and most of all love.

My eyes are starting to be opened to the things Jesus/God/Spirit said,

19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a]
the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching
them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always,
to the very end of the age." Matthew 28

2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Roman 12

The more I look into it, the more I realized it is true. It is real. It can be tested and found more then sufficient.

I'm convinced.

I want to convince everyone...but I don't have to do it. I want everyone to like me and love me, but I don't need them to. I want everyone to get it... but I can leave it in Gods hands. I have everything I need, for this life and the next. I can free myself from other peoples expectations, and free other people from my expectations. I can freely give and recieve love. All this God has given me the ability and strength to do. And it's all mine, and can be all yours, as long as we want it.

8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in
despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4

So God, this is my ending thought.

We humans are weak and very broken, less than a shadow compared to the glory that we are meant to be, and that only you God, can show us.